That's just how it is done in Africa

In the UK I got used to a very British way of doing things. Like waiting for a delayed train. When trains didn’t run because there was the “wrong kind of leaves” on the rails, I was amazed at the way people merely accepted this as being somehow normal – and acceptable.

Yet in South Africa we appear to be little different from this almost apathetic response to life.

If you have been reading this blog for a while, you will know that I have been beating my head against a brick wall trying to sort out an appropriate driving licence for myself – just to have a finance deal on a new car approved, not ACTUALLY for anything related to driving said new car. And as this saga develops, and I tell locals of my frustration, I am amazed at the response I keep getting… “Well, this is Africa – and this is how things are done.”

Like Load Shedding… When we turn off the electricity to vast swathes of the country in the middle of the business day because we cannot supply the demand for power in the country – this is Africa, and this is how it is done.

Like taxi’s – I cannot believe the rules (or apparent lack of them) that apply to the taxi industry that allows them to ride down roads on the WRONG side of the street to avoid the tens and dozens of cars that are waiting in patient, if frustrated and irritated, queues for a traffic light to change…

But this is Africa and that is how it is done.

It makes me wonder. With some very high profile sporting events being prepared for in Africa, just how African will they be? Will everyone have to understand that this is Africa, and that is how it is done?

Extreme Makeover

I was a little late in heading out of the house this morning, and so was treated to a "slightly" longer commute - the odd 30 minutes loinger than normal.

What I did notice is that there appears to be an extreme shortage of TIME for people in the morning, because the number of poor women I saw who were seemingly forced to do their make up in the car, it was clear that they had no time to do this at home before they left.

So my question has to be really, if it is too dangerous for me to drive while talking on a mobile phonem how come it is safer to be driving while doing your mascara? (or using an eye liner pencil in the traffic)?

This certainly is the Land of the Extreme Makeover....

How to drive in Jozi

There is an old phrase that goes: “Only in South Africa…” and usually it precedes some absolutely preposterous story involving a sequence of events that would be far too unrealistic to ever appear true. However, as the phrase says, only in South Africa could these events actually take place.

It has come to my attention that the rules of driving are slightly different in Johannesburg than to anywhere else around the world. What follows is based on some personal experiences from commutes around JHB in the past week. As I said at the start – only in South Africa:

Condition of motor vehicle.
Overall vehicle condition is not considered. If you car can move forward in some way, then it is allowed on the road. Seemingly engine power is not the only means of propulsion – pushing your vehicle will also count. I have seen a few taxis being pushed by their passengers along the road. Well – the petrol price is rising, and cut backs MUST be made!!!!

Vehicle Lights – naturally, there are two parts to this – back lights and front lights.
Back lights: these are completely optional. Vehicles do not have to make themselves known to other users of the road via back lights – rather the onus is on other users of the road to see these invisible black vehicles in the dark.

Front lights: these are governed by a simple rule “The more the better” This has two major advantages. Firstly it helps you find the vehicles you have not taken back lights as an optional extra. (See item above) Second, it is a form of social status – the more lights you have the better your social standing in the community.

Overall: cars are governed by an “average” rule. Provided the AVERAGE number of working lights across both back and front of the car is about right, you will be fine.


Road markings
Apparently these are irrelevant. Seemingly some kind of massive nationwide painting experiment to test the endurance of some paints.
Thus no clear adherence is applied to any indication, information or rule that these painted road markings might be trying to convey. Fortunately, some paints are better at enduring the experiment than others it appears.

Driving on the left hand side
This is such a British way of drive, and so constrictive.
Fortunately I found two enterprising taxi drivers the other day who were sharp enough to notice that the far side pavement was open, whereas the left hand side of the road they were driving on was congested. Thus they made use of this open pavement – just GENIUS use of available land!!!!

Traffic lights
Johannesburg traffic lights have the usual three colours, but they appear to convey a slightly different message than I have been used to in the UK.
GREEN: Proceed at own pace. (Note – watch out for FROGGER players – see below)
AMBER: Proceed making use of accelerator and hooter to raise your profile to other road users.
RED: - this appears to be FROGGER mode. Whilst red would usually require vehicles to come to a stand still, FROGGER mode allows a vehicle to inch its way across a road, while avoiding traffic moving at perpendicular angle to the direction being travelled – much like the traditional computer game of the same name.